THE NEATO MOSQUITO SHOW
stories, poems, and other alt things from the internet, updated daily ============================================================================ by Chris Dankland *** dankland.tumblr.com *** @Neatoo_Mosquito
Tuesday // April 15, 2014

Books I Have # 1

I was moving some books around today & decided to review every book I own — I’m planning on moving out of the country and I can’t take these with me

This will probably be boring to most people but it’s interesting to me, I have memories connected to almost all of these books

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'Fearful Symmetry' by Northrop Frye

I’m re-reading this right now, I mentioned it here

In college one of my english professors was giving away old books, and he gave this one to me because I was really into William Blake at the time

He was the type of professor I couldn’t tell sometimes if he was staring into the distance because he was thinking really hard about something, or because he was stoned

I never saw him get stoned or ever heard him intimate that he liked to get stoned but I know the truth, I can tell

Anyway my copy is full of his hand written notes — I liked that professor

I like Blake because he makes creative people seem pretty important and worthwhile, whereas I tend to think that most creative people are losers or fundamentally crippled in some way — dreamers are often social outcasts and losers — before this book came out, most critics thought Blake was completely crazy and that his poems were like insane hallucinations, which isn’t true at all — at heart Blake was a mystic, but he was also a deeply philosophical thinker that studied Locke and Berkley and all the great philosophers of his time

Blake says that one person will look at the sun and see a gold circle that looks like a guinea — and one person will look at the sun and see a giant ball of fire floating in space — and one person will look at the sun and see a hard day of work — but the poet will look at the sun and say ‘I see an innumerable company of the heavenly host crying Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty.’ — For Blake, the poet is the one who expresses the real truth of the universe 

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Emerson’s Essays

I really like ‘Self Reliance’ ‘The Over-Soul’ ‘The Poet’ and ‘Experience’

In high school I thought Emerson was really boring, but now the level of energy in his writing seems almost amphetamine fueled — he seems like a Teddy Rosevelt stereotype or something, a person who had this unstoppable type of persona with boundless energy and enthusiasm

I usually think about Emerson as the guy who invented America, I feel like pretty much everything circles back to him in one way or another

Sometimes when I hear writers/artists talk about wanting to buy a house in the middle of nowhere and get all their artist friends and live in some kind of creative utopia together, I think about Fruitlands and remind myself that things like that rarely work out in the long run

Also they decided to call it ‘Fruitlands’ hahaha gay

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The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson

Dickinson is my favorite poet

Some of these books —

I have so much to say about some of these books because I’ve read them dozens of times…but I also can’t spend too long working on these blog entries, I’ve got other things to do

The bookmark in here has a bunch of my favorite poems by her, I’m a compulsive list-maker

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'Suttree' by Cormac McCarthy

This is my favorite McCarthy book, I’ve read most of his books

Harrogate is one of my favorite McCarthy characters, old dumb ass Harrogate

There are a lot of good ‘getting drunk’ scenes in here — all these characters that have just decided to be bums for the rest of their lives

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'The Uses of Literature' by Italo Calvino

I haven’t read this & I probably won’t get around it

Flipping through this book I see that he’s got a short essay about Northrop Frye though, I’m gonna read that later

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'Between the Acts' by Virginia Woolf

I read this for a college english class, it’s the last book she wrote

This didn’t make a deep impression on me, I don’t remember much of it

Based on my memory it’s about a bunch of people throwing a backyard party and in the process they reenact all of british history or something

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'Acme Novelty Library #19' by Chris Ware

This has two graphic novels by Chris Ware, who I feel is an authentic genius

One story is about a group of space pioneers who move to Mars and become incurably lonely

The other story is about the science fiction writer who is the author of the first story, who is also incurably lonely

That seems to be the fate of almost all his characters — there are really bright moments of joy and love, but more often than not they’re set-ups for disappointment, and the character diving further into isolation

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'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff & Mark Johnson

I don’t know where this book came from, or why I have it — I probably bought it for a college class or something

Looks like it might be interesting but I’ll probably never read it

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'Tristram Shandy' by Laurence Sterne

I wrote about this book here

It’s fine, there are some really funny parts — I think I’ve forgotten most of the book

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'I am my own betrayal' by Guillaume Morissette

This is a good book, the things I remember most from it are the poems — I really like ‘i have girly arms and I mean it’ and ‘I am someone’s dream husband’ and ‘i am on mdma, let me give you life advice’

I think ‘greater emptiness achieved’ is a great short story and ‘karpma drama triangle’ is another short story that I thought was amazing

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

Sunday // April 13, 2014

A Street Called Synott

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A gas station near my house got a nice new sign (part of the ‘T’ is already burnt out though)

A funny thing about me is that I live right next to ‘Synott Road’ which is supposedly pronounced ‘sin-ut’ — but I think everyone can agree that it’s just a cover-up for the fact that some asshole named a street ‘snot’

Snot food

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Norm Macdonald

Norm Macdonald has a show on youtube now: https://www.youtube.com/user/NormMacdonaldLive

I spent a large chunk of yesterday stoned, watching it — here’s some jokes from a couple episodes — I sometimes like to write things down so I can remember them a bit better

I don’t know for sure, but I assume that Norm wrote these jokes

They say pimping ain’t easy, but what they don’t tell you is that it’s much much harder being a prostitute.

There is a new service called ‘Sidecar’ where if you need a ride somewhere, you will get picked up by a stranger and driven to your location. However, in a few months, the company plans on going back to its original name ‘murder.’

Organist Ray Manzarek died this week at the age of 74 — the curse of The Doors!

My aunt turned her house into a bed and breakfast. I guess she woke up and said ‘not enough strangers are fucking here.’

A Florida university student was caught streaking on campus, and told the police that he was on acid and wanted to cut his dick off. Boy, these kids today are crazy. In my day we didn’t need drugs, we would just cut our own dicks off.

Danny Devito looks like one of those guys with a short but thick penis.

A Papa John’s deliveryman has been arrested for allegedly selling over $40,000 worth of cocaine hidden in pizza boxes to undercover police officers. This begs an interesting question — where’d all the pizzas go that were supposed to be in those boxes? Can I have them to eat?

Now a days most teenagers don’t watch their favorite shows on television sets, instead they just blow each other.

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'Holly Go Lightly' by Gabby Bess

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I read an ebook by Gabby Bess that I enjoyed a lot called 'Holly Go Lightly' 

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Chrisopher Dorner’s Manifesto

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I read Christopher Dorner’s 'manifesto' that he left for the press after killing himself

I want to try and write something about this — I’m mentioning it here to help remind me

Near the end of the manifesto, he starts basically saying goodbye to people that he had important personal connections to — because he’s planning on going on a killing rampage, of course

Then he starts leaving messages for famous people like Bill and Hilary Clinton and Colin Powell, and it starts sounds like a long wedding toast:

Gov. Chris Christie. What can I say? You’re the only person I would like to see in the White House in 2016 other than Hillary. You’re America’s no (expletive) taking uncle. Do one thing for your wife, kids, and supporters. Start walking at night and eat a little less, not a lot less, just a little. We want to see you around for a long time. Your leadership is greatly needed.

And then he starts talking about his favorite entertainers: Ellen Degeneres, Tim Tebow, Anthony Bourdain…

So throughout the letter, the ‘may all your family members die slow painful deaths in front of you’ and ‘the streets will run with blood’ sentiments are intercut with paragraphs like this:

It’s kind of sad I won’t be around to view and enjoy The Hangover III. What an awesome trilogy. Xx xx, don’t make anymore Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation. World War Z looks good and The Walking Dead season 3 (second half) looked intriguing. Damn, gonna miss shark week.

Pretty nice world we live in !!

Have a great weekend everybody !!!!

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

Saturday // April 12, 2014

Made Some Pictures

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Mr Nice Guy

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I like this strain

I’m sitting around listening to music

'Blowing Up Fast' by Lil Wayne
'Anything' by Lil Wayne
'Dont Let Me Go' by Little Cloud
'Can't Come Down' by A.Dd+
'Depreston' by Courtney Barnett
'Drank In My Cup' by Kirko Bangz
'1983' by Flying Lotus (album)

'Are the Good Times Really Over' by Merle Haggard 

I wish coke was still cola
and a joint was a bad place to be

I wish a ford and a chevy would still last 10 years like they should

the best of the free times are behind us now

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

Boost House spreecast, April 6 2014

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I watched the recording of this spreecast, you can find it heeeereeee

things that happened:

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steve’s infernal mouth hole

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steve reads some different pages from Boost House’s poetry anthology 'the YOLO pages'

one thing he read was

'bitch im the central park hello kitty' by cassanda gillig

as he read some different things from the book, I kept thinking about Wyndham Lewis and BLAST magazine, do ya’ll know that one 

it was written in 1914 and played a prominent role in shaping literary modernism

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boost (blast)

it changed what a lot of people thought about poetry

it included contributions by Ezra Pound, TS Eliot, Rebecca West, Ford Maddox Ford, and a lot of other famous writers

it had poems like this in it:

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anyway my professors made us read it in school

if you have an original copy of BLAST, please give it to me so I can sell it for a lot of money

in the long-term sense, that anthology was revolutionary — it sparked off all sorts of artistic movements and creative innovations — at first it was controversial and a lot of people dismissed it, or didn’t get it

'this isn't real poetry AAHHHHHHH !!! FUCK' — 1914 youtube comment

'it doesn't even rhyme' — 1914 one star yelp review

but in the end, it made a huge impact on literature and still seems very contemporary even now, although it is exactly 100 years old

could the YOLO pages end up having the same kind of influence ??

could it be ??? 

who knows ??

but I can’t think of many other poetry anthologies that are doing similar things, in terms of showcasing so many different forms of internet poetry, from so many different writers — I would be interested in investigating this, but it might be one of the very first poetry anthologies to include tweets and other writings from social media

you can buy yourself a copy heeeerrrrrreeeeee — I’m excited about it

other things that happened in the spreecast:

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and then everybody made a big pyramid of aluminum cans

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and steve slid into it headfirst

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(Source: altlitgossip)

Wednesday // April 9, 2014

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'Young and Innocent Days' by the Kinks

Here’s a picture of me as a baby, with my mom

thanks mom, love u <3 <3 <3

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The Tweets of Don B

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I noticed that 'Robert Coover' was following me on twitter, which of course turned out to be a joke account 

He tweeted ‘is barthelme on here?’ and I created a fake account (takes two minutes) and answered him back with the vague idea that I’d use the account for something — but then as soon as I tweeted at him, I realized that I didn’t really care, I’ll probably never tweet from this account again

Some of my favorite Don B stories:

'Robert Kennedy Saved From Drowning' — in one of my old apartments, I wrote each section from this story on a piece of computer paper and pasted them on my bedroom walls, encircling the room

'Shower of Gold' — a different apartment I lived in was a 5 minute walk away from The Westmoreland District in Houston — Barthelme lived in a house over there and that’s where he wrote this, which he considered his ‘breakthrough’ story (this is mentioned in one of his biographies) — sometimes I would take walks through that neighborhood and imagine that it was a place where a creative meteor had struck, creating invisible waves of radiation that still clung to the air decades later — I’d occasionally use that idea as motivation to write, like I could tap into the lingering presence of Don B’s inspiration

'The School' — I think about these two sentences frequently:

'And they said, is death that which gives meaning to life? And I said no, life is that which gives meaning to life.'

'The Indian Uprising' — one of those type of short stories that is chameleon-like in its meaning, and seems incredibly contemporary to me no matter what is going on — it was written in 1965 during the Vietnam War but to me it seems to prophesy the War on Terror

'Me and Miss Mandible' — I keep hoping that one day I’ll walk into an elementary class and see a middle aged man sitting at one of the tiny desks, with his giant ass knees all akwardly in the air

I could go on and on and on because there are so many Barthelme stories I love, but I can’t spend forever on this

I just found out that April 7th was Barthelme’s birthday, happy bday B — he would have been 83

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'David Foster Wallace Predicted Our Selfie Anxiety Back in 1996'

I often remember that section from Infinite Jest and think about the same exact thing, we’re definitely living in the days of video chats and digital reflections

It seems bizarre to imagine people photoshopping their selfies but I’m sure it is already happening in some corners

…not that I’m into wearing masks online or anything…ha ha…

also fwiw (because the article was partly about a new app that makes your selfies look skinnier) I like girls that have a little thickness in them, that’s much sexier to me than rail thin fashion model types

I like thick thighs especially, that turns me on — thigh gaps are stupid

I like all types of girls, but I often wish that certain girls would zoom out their selfies a bit and let me see that a$$

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Story Excerpt

This is an excerpt from a story that I’ve given up on, it sucks — this section still makes me smile a bit though

A four foot talking bong with Mickey Mouse arms and legs was waving and smiling at me. ‘Hey, you’re Chris aren’t you?’ said the giant bong with Mickey Mouse arms and legs.

The bong tilted his head and held a lighter to its carb. ‘Here you go—you can suck the smoke right out of my head, that’s what my head is made for!!’ I stuck my face in the giant bong and inhaled the white fumes. I could feel wings growing out of my back. The giant bong noticed and gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up.

‘I’ve got wings too, let’s go fly around!’ I lifted my arms and off we went, soaring through the sky.

‘Weeeeeeee!’ said the giant bong.

‘Awesommmmmeee!’ I said.

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

Monday // April 7, 2014

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Nice

At the end of the day, a 3rd grade girl said I was a nice teacher and gave me a tiny piece of gum

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I had a brief correspondence with a writer named Ali Znaidi — his website is here — and this is another website he runs about Tunisian literature

He translated this article about literary censorship in Tunisia, where he lives — the government requires writers to submit their works for government approval before they can be published aka a ‘legal deposit’

I don’t have anything particularly intelligent to say about this because I don’t know that much about it — but it’s a good reminder of some of the political oppression that writers around the world have to deal with

I asked Ali some questions about the legal deposit situation, and this is how he described it:

The legal deposit issue in Tunisia is very complex. Before the revolution it was intended to control writers, artists, & thinkers and to make sure that the writings or the pieces of art do not criticise the political system, the former president, and his family. Besides, works that harshly criticize religion were banned not to stir the people’s anger. After the revolution some want to annul this law and other want to keep it. So, it is really a controversial issue. After the revolution political writings are in a way tolerated. But writing harshly about religion and writing about open sex are still in a way a target of censorship.,
As for publishing something online, you can publish whatever you want because which means the legal deposit is not still applied for online publishing. But, you have to assume your responsibility morally and legally if the things you published go at odds with the mainstream thinking and morals.
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I went for a walk / watched the cars go by / the sun was high / I thought of you / the sun was high / and so was I / I thought of you

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smoking till I fall asleep and dream of something beautiful

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a thread of grey smoke coils out

and slithers through the air

while I blow smoke rings

。o◯0o。o◯0。oo◯0o。◯0o

I can feel the whole city slowly evaporating away

I can feel the whole city slowly evaporating

I can feel the whole city slowly

I can feel the whole city

I can feel the whole

I can feel

I can

I

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dankland.tumblr.com

rap game ‘concrete language’ & ‘concrete reality’ are terms that don’t make any sense to me

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Now as all creative power is human and not natural, it follows that words are the pattern of the human mind and not that of nature… Therefore the meaning of a word does not depend on its relation to an outside world. The Baconian mind strives to make every word reproduce one definite “thing” or one reflected “idea,” to the exclusion of all others: it is perpetually demanding definition in the sense of establishing a general law for each word that will meet every case.  This cannot be done.

A word’s meaning depends partly on its context and partly on its relation to the mind of its hearer: all general meanings are only approximate. To the poet, the word is a storm-center of meanings, sounds and associations, radiating out indefinitely like the ripples of a pool. It is precisely because of this indefiniteness that he writes poems. The poem is a unity of words in which these radiations have become the links of imaginative cohesion.
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Northop Frye
from 'Fearful Symmetry' 

NEXT INSTALLMENT: RAP GAME AND WHAT DOES THE PHRASE ‘UNCONSCIOUS MIND’ MEAN, THAT’S AN INHERENT CONTRADICTION

(Source: dankland)

Thursday // April 3, 2014

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Is That a Sick Cat In Your Backpack?

I took a picture of this YA book from a 4th grade class

Judging it by the cover and nothing else, it seems to be about a disturbed child who carries around a decomposing dead cat in his background, insanely trying to convince other people that ‘he’s just sick’

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'Draft Day' by Drake

HOTTT TAMALES WITH GOOD GRAVY, NICE JOB DRIZZY

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The Book of Crimes

Had an idea to write something called ‘The Book of Crimes’ (at some distant point in the future, I want to work on other things right now) 

THE BOOK OF CRIMES

1) Armed robbery of a bukake porn shoot
2) Throwing hammers at construction workers
3) Passed out drunk in a ditch 
4) Harassing customers at Applebee’s while dressed like the joker
5) Shitting in neighbor’s backyard pool
6) Parked in the middle of an intersection 
7) Using counterfeit money at toll booths
8) Making bomb threats on a public bus
9) Wearing inappropriate see-through clothes
10) Stabbing vampire goth to death in shitty night club bathroom 
11) Peeing on cop cars
12) Attempted arson in bedding & decor section of Walmart 
13) Screaming about the Illuminati conspiracy downtown
14) Playing ‘highway to hell’ by AC/DC too loud
15) Drunk and disorderly, drinking whisky during church service
16) Beating friend to death for drawing penis on face
17) Attacking police car while wearing a sombrero and one boxing glove
18) Filling a plastic bag with the contents of 44oz dr pepper, tying the bag around your head and hanging upside down from a pull up bar until you drown (suicide is illegal)

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Pee Stream of Consciousness

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I made a joke last night

Had fun talking to my girl Paige Gresty about James Joyce and internet stuff

I highly recommend Paige, she’s one of my favorite humans on the planet

check out this beautiful ebook she wrote
& this beautiful video
I love this beautiful story in particular

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'Clara' by Roberto Bolano

I reread this — one of my all time favorite short stories

Francisco Goldman read this story for the New Yorker podcast

Text is here

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

Wednesday // April 2, 2014

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'Go To Work and Do Your Job. Care for Your Children. Pay Your Bills. Obey the Law. Buy Products' by Noah Cicero

I took this picture with my iphone in December or January 

I decided to bring this book with me to work, to read at lunch

But I was teaching a 4th grade class that day, and in the morning I hesitated for 20 seconds about whether I should bring the book to school with me, because the cover shows a picture of a person trying to hang himself 

Shortly before lunch, I picked up everyone’s papers and one of the 4th graders had drawn this on his paper

Made me laugh

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BLOG BOG BLAGH BLARRRRGH BLAAAAAAAAAAA

I think I would enjoy making tumblr posts every few days

The trick is to not worry about being interesting or intelligent

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The Orange Eats Creeps’ by Grace Krilanovich

Recently finished reading this for the second time, I love this book 

I like how Krilanovich uses tropes from punk culture and grunge culture to create this intense, swirling kaleidoscopic impression

I’ve been heavily influenced by rap as (I think) most people my age have been — but I haven’t yet read anything that I feel really captures the aggression and ‘I’m the shit’ swagger of a lot of that music

'I'm a goon under the moon, glow on the boosters' - Raekwon

I want to read a novel that’s like a 200 page Lil Wayne song, I’m gonna start working on that

I love a lot of the ‘alt lit’ minimalism but I don’t want to write like that — I want to write things like ‘my pockets smell like sour and gun powder’ and ‘my new drop is berry watermelon plum’ — that shit is cool

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Songs

'Macaroni Time' by Chief Keef

'Sunset' by Kali Uchis 

'Let's Fall in Love Tonight' by Lewis

'Bitch I'm Bussin' by Lil B

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'Places I've Cried' by Claire Paquet

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2008 blogspot shit storm involving Tao Lin, Blake Butler, Zachary German, Noah Cicero, Gene Morgan, and others

Friendly reminder that basically everything you post online is permanent and can usually be found whether you delete it or not

A blogger from 2008 posted a shit talking thing about Zachary German — a lot of other 2008 commenters piled on — then other people started commenting in defense of German 

The comment section made me laugh a lot — in general I don’t like shit storms but I found this pretty entertaining

CAN’T A HEART WRITE HEARTWARMING EXCERPTS OF HEARTWARMING NOVELS AND POST THEM ON THE SIDEBAR OF THEIR BLOG?

CAN’T A HEART GET PEEVED BY RUMORS OF SUCCESS WHEN HE’S CLEARLY WORKED SO HARD HIMSELF FOREVER AND EVER UNENDING ENDLESSLY ON IMITATING A SLIGHTLY MORE RESPECTED SOURCE WHO APPEARS ON MASSIVE CORPORATE TALK SHOWS AND YET STILL MAINTAINS HIS HONOR?

CAN’T A HEART QUOTE MODEST MOUSE? — Blake Butler

listen up losers!! to a genious — bored and indifferent

someone should organize an event where cormac mccarthy and oprah fly helicopters to ohio and detonate bombs on noah’s house as he’s sitting in his bedroom writing on a dry-erase board about organic gardening — Tao Lin

eat a dick, fagtron — Zachary German 

'eat a dick' is concrete at least, it can be accomplished, is direct, and makes no value judgements — Tao Lin

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@cdankland

dankland.tumblr.com

THE NEATO MOSQUITO SHOW IS CLOSED

I’m putting The Neato Mosquito show on indefinite hiatus so I can focus 100% on my role as managing editor for Alt Lit Gossip

I started The Neato Mosquito Show on July 30, 2012

the tumblr has 2,987 total posts and 1,448 followers

however, I will keep adding interviews to my other tumblr 'The Neato Mosquito Interview Show' 

my sincerest gratitude to anyone who has followed or read this tumblr over the last two years <3 it is much appreciated

be sure to follow Alt Lit Gossip if you don’t already — it’s gonna be good, I’ve got a lot of things planned for it

thanks again

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Chris Dankland

dankland.tumblr.com

@cdankland

my facebook page

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